Maltreated Husband

Hiii guys, I told you I would start including real life issues here after getting permission from people who have sent me emails in the past. Well, this email was sent directly to me after the Abuja Marriage post, and he has asked me to publish it. My brothers and sisters, please help a brother out. He needs your unbiased opinions. After reading the email, you’ll understand the Post Title.


Hello Mrs Chidinma, I came across your blog from a comment on Linda’s blog and I decided to send you this message to get a reaction from your members. My case is special because we always hear about men treating women bad. I will try to be very honest in remembering all that has happened so far.

My wife and I have been married for 8 years now and we have 2 daughters. For the first 6 plus years everything was okay. The only thing I didn’t like was that my wife’s mother moved in with us. I was working daily and because I didn’t really see her everytime, I didn’t let it disturb me too much.

I lost my job over a year ago and since then the person I called my wife has turned into a monster. Things started becoming tight for us and I went to South Africa to do odd jobs and be sending money home. After 5 months my brother called me and said I should come home because things were going bad. On getting back I discovered that my wife has sold my car without telling me. When I confronted her, she and her mother insulted me saying since I couldn’t provide like a man, she had to take matters into her own hand. I was sending her $1,000 every month for 4 months I was in SA.

My brother did not even know that part of the story, he said I should come home because my wife was trying to sell my land which was adjoining his own. He just started developing his own and someone came to tell him that the next one (my own) was for sale at a cheap rate. He knew I wasn’t around, and he knew I would have told him if I was selling it. In fact, I really thank God for the head of a police command here in Lagos who helped get my documents back from her mother’s brother who was the agent to sell the land.

Now my parents and siblings want me to go back to SA to start life again, but how do I leave my children? She is already turning them against me, so what happens when I’m not even around? I’m still in the guest room of our house, and she even disconnected the DSTV from the room because she paid this month’s subscription.

Maltreated Husband

The email is longer than this, but I trimmed off the greetings and some repetitive details. My mouth hook for the matter. Everyone has issues, but when you think say na your own bad pass, you now hear something like this. If this is true, e tire me.

Please, help the guy o.


Hi, my name is Chidinma. I’ve been happily married for 4+ years (actually almost 6 years now), and my husband and I have been trying to have our own children for almost all the time we’ve been married, with no success…yet. We haven’t lost hope (far from it), and we believe it will happen very soon.

Click Here to Leave a Comment Below 8 comments
victoria - March 17, 2015

Its a pity how some women changes as soon as there are challenges.
You have to seat your wife down and talk to her.
Don’t go back to SA. Look for little jobs you can do around untill God lifts u up again.
Start by asking her mum to go back home.
I pray God restores peace to your home.

AdegoroyeF - March 17, 2015

In this situation I think it will be better for you to go back to south africa for a little while. Absence will make her heart fonder. I just don’t know how easy it will be for you to restart your relationship because she will want to come back when the going is good. You should leave that environment for a while because the hatred in the air will not even allow you to progress.
At least when you leave you will be able to work harder to bring your family together again. Is her father alive or is there any other elder you can talk to in her family about her mother?

cyndi - March 17, 2015

I tink he should seperate from the wife for now. Take the children to his parents for safe keeping. Then travel and keep sending upkeep money to his children. His wife needs some time alone to process her self and what she is doing.

In other news, dearest dimma. I will be in abuja this weekend. Are you trying out any new recipe, I can offer my tasting services free of charge*winks*

God bless you dear

    Chidinma - March 17, 2015

    Cyndi, you didn’t log in with your email details. Abeg email me

Ese - March 17, 2015

No be small matter be this oo…. You would need to call for a family meeting as she no longer respects you… You dont have a good job today does not mean that the world has come to an end and by d way 1000 dollars is not small change. She can also try to get a small job to keep her busy… All these should be brought up at the family meeting.

May God grant you wisdom and grace.

    Amaka Asogwa - March 20, 2015

    Ese you make more sense here. Call for a family meeting but you did not tell us if you have tried talking to your wife? It takes the grace of God Almighty for a wife not to build up resentment when her husband is not providing for the home. If you have already talked to your wife then you need to involve matured family members from both families in this case. There is no need going back to south africa stay back and put your house in order as the head God has made you to be. but I wonder why your mother in law is staying with you what about are Husband?

ipio - March 17, 2015

This a really difficult situation, the best he can actually do is give the woman a break, she might come to her senses afterwards.

I also do think that her mother is a bad influence on her, why did she have to move in with them in the first place. Sorry man, I pray God see u thru.

    Lizzyslaw - March 20, 2015

    Hmmm, going back to SA does not guarantee that the woman will miss her hubby oh! Going back may give her the opportunity to start or indeed build on an existing extra marital affair.

    A separation is not bad but going back to SA is a no no in my opinion.


Leave a Reply: