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The Menace of Abuja Marriage (and Lagos, and PH, and…)

The thing tire me o. What is it with this Abuja marriage of a thing? For those who don’t understand, let me explain:

1. When a married man, whose wife is in another location, and is ignorant of his arrangement, dates and lives with another woman in his location, that is Abuja marriage.

2. When an unmarried man seriously dates and leads on an unmarried woman, mainly for financial gain, knowing he’ll never take her home to mama, that is Abuja marriage.

3. When a man actually marries a woman, knowing he’s only with her because, for the time being, she’s financially better than he is, all the time knowing that when his circumstances change, he’ll divorce her, that is Abuja marriage

In fact, there are many more instances and examples of Abuja marriage, and girls play the lead role sometimes too. I don’t know why it’s called Abuja marriage, this happens everywhere! Maybe someone will enlighten us.

Someone I used to know was a perpetuator of Abuja marriage. Lol. He married a much older woman for financial gain. While I know age is nothing but a number, I’m not in support of a 20 year old difference per the woman.

The worst part of it is that we would go to visit him, she would come out, entertain us, and go inside, and he would tell my H.A.C.E and I she was his aunty.

They did a court wedding, and nobody knew, and we were somewhat close. Imagine?!

At some point, I even tried to advise him to rent an apartment for her elsewhere, as I felt she was too doting for aunt, and his girlfriends would be put off by the fact that they were too close. He told me he would look into it.

Na so kasala burst one day. We didn’t know they had been fighting. We went to the house. As usual, his “Aunty” came out and asked us what our friend explained their relationship to be. Innocently, H.A.C.E said ” we know you’re his mother’s sister”.

My brothers and sisters, the rest is history. Even our friendship. He left that house that day, with police escort, after the woman had given us the full and complete gist of their relationship. She also tore the marriage certificate in front of us.

Apparently, he had been telling people she was his aunt, and she had been hearing snippets. She had also tried to initiate communication with his family, but he wouldn’t give her contact details.

Na so that one end o. And he left with nothing. It turned out she owned everything, including his cars.

The menace is real. Now, I have 2 questions:

A.  How does one avoid falling prey to Abuja marriages.

B. In the event that one has fallen prey, what next? How can one overcome?

Please don’t read and run (I see you o)

Hugs and plenty kisses,

Chidinma

Chidinma
 

Hi, my name is Chidinma. I’ve been happily married for 4+ years (actually almost 6 years now), and my husband and I have been trying to have our own children for almost all the time we’ve been married, with no success…yet. We haven’t lost hope (far from it), and we believe it will happen very soon.

Click Here to Leave a Comment Below 10 comments
peggy - March 12, 2015

Hhhhmmmmm interesting….. now the truth of the matter is in this pretty ugly pix u have painted little or nothing can be done cos obviously the woman consented to it from the get go she probably even initiated it and as a broke young guy wit “NFA” no future ambition gladly took the offer… sometimes wat we think or might say its the mans fault it cld also be 100% the womans, why wld u get married and be in a diff state. I think its negligence on a womans part sometimes to just assume we wld do just fine wit love across the express,”hes working somewhere whenever he has a break he wld come home” or my job wldnt let me move”

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    Chidinma - March 12, 2015

    Lol @NFA. That’s an interesting POV, but what about circumstances beyond the woman’s control? Like work? What should she do in that case?

    Reply
ipio - March 12, 2015

Hmmmmmm Abuja marriage things, is real o.

I use to have this young cousin who was very stranded when he came to Abuja, shortly afterwards he started dating a much older lady who was quite comfortable and moved in with her, u would even think there were already married,the case also ended in police station.
How to avoid falling prey to such in my opinion is to avoid dating someone for the sole purpose of money,accommodation or other freebies. Work for what you want and pray God bless your hustle.

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    Chidinma - March 12, 2015

    Ipio, how does a young lady know who’s after her for money? Especially if he doesn’t show it openly?…and they often don’t. Cos they do it to young women as well.

    Reply
twingirls - March 12, 2015

Am I still in Naija? I tot all this stuff happens only in African magic (a station in Dstv) really can’t believe it’s real o! In this day and age?

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Molola - March 12, 2015

Hmmm it’s not Africa magic o. A good friend of mine was living with a man for 4 years. We all thot she was married to this fella and we Thot all was well.it turns out they were not married and all this came up because the man was arrested by his employers for fraud which he claimed he had no part in. In short she spent all she had to save him frm jail. The whole thing was a sham and she lost everything and found out too late. She had to move back into the house she built FOR her parents with her daughter. The guys was already married with 2 kids at ilorin and he was using the money to set up where they were. We need to involve God in EVERYTHING we do ooo. May He help us

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ipio - March 13, 2015

Hmmmmmm, wonders shall never end, four whole years and you didn’t smell anything kasala burst, na wao. May God deliver us and help us to shine our eyes.

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no name really - October 23, 2016

just want to say, this happening to American woman who really innocent/naive, and never got any warning about it… never heard of it or anything, really feel in love with these Nigerian men, even had love spells cast on them or try to take their head…

some women have had banks broke, hearts broke and families broke so badly they have no support, no women around who understand, no way to fix things or understand what happened….

some women borrowed money for their families and friends and lost it all…. they lost all respect from everyone. Now they might see — but really hard to even see after all that, because man such sweet talker and medicine put on her head so strong and so confusing.

please reach out and speak about this… it really hurting people. some people really do love your culture so much, and really did love these men… but now are so intensely in pain…. can’t sleep or eat or talk….

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